I absorb glorious Mexico into every one of my cells as I scan the horizon of San Miguel de Allende from the rooftop of my apartment. I can see the Paroquia (parish church), its multiple pink spires all lit up against the indigo night sky as well as three other beautiful church domes. Everything is twinkling. I lift my eyes to the sky, to the stars and then back down to the warm lights of this elegant colonial city from the 18th century. My amazing four month sabbatical is nearly over. My journey has been rich and varied. I have had the opportunity to rest deeply, to release many layers of accumulated tension, to be still and worry free, to meet myself in a new way. I am invigorated by it, opened and soften. My heart and all my feelings are grounded in the present moment. My mind is clear. My intuition razor sharp, my ability to follow it at optimum level. My spirit is free because I have given myself the permission to let go of all the images which run my life such as being a mother, being a wife, being the provider, being a business owner. This experiment has taught me to be aware of the many choices I make based on the image of being rather than my true feeling. And, more importantly, how habitual and unconscious those thoughts and actions are and how they keep me from truth. Truth with myself has made me happier, less manipulative, less neurotic and confused, more balanced. I have empowered myself in the kindest and gentlest of ways to be wholly myself.
Occasionally on this trip, I have been confronted by the stress, the harshness, the ugliness of a world disconnected from the heart, driven by greed, distorted belief systems and unenlightened business practices. I take a deep breath, root into the earth for strength, straighten my spine and try to inject a little light, a little love and understanding into the confusion, the hurt, the numbness. The effort does not leave me unscathed. I have to work at regaining my serenity. The work makes me stronger. Buddhists say life is suffering. They do not exaggerate. But these days my rebound is spritely, full of acceptance, relaxation and optimism. What can I do other than my best? Peel back the layers of the onion, strip myself of pretension, ambition, desire stand there naked and raw, delicately perched on the instability of my balance, breathing deeply, taking it all in?
Mexico is very different from Bali. There is a wildness here, a fire in the heart, a dry starkness to the land. Powerful, magical even I would say. An underbelly rife with the dark passions of pride, of pain, of thirst for blood. Beware of what you wish for. My passions are stirred. I am breaking the mold, stepping out into unchartered ground, daring to let go of my image of myself, of that rigorous self control that I have exercised my whole life. This is not without danger but also very stimulating and enlivening. Fortunately, I have not yet danced on the top of the bar. I have kept my cloths on and despite bar hopping until 5am did not disgrace myself by falling over or vomiting in the street. Lol. Not even close. But I danced and laughed 20 years off my life. Let it be. Balance is more challenging when passions are afire and sensual pleasures indulged. Fortunately my discipline and lifestyle habits help me to stay healthy, and even more importantly return to center. Passion is not the right guide though. Breath is. Center is. Quiet mind is. Passion is the spice. Center is the way. Let me weave a glorious life tapestry with both!
Mexico vibrates with a sense of community, with the love and strength which comes from family values. We hug and laugh and help each other. The time I spend with younger people is connecting me to the vibrant pulse of change and evolution. Their vitality, their ideas, their desires and ways are energizing me, waking me up. In return I share with them my wisdom, my experience, my patience and love. Let us not forget the importance of intergenerational exchange. Let us not push each other away.
I have met so many people here but a few have really touched my heart with their beauty and integrity. Gentleman Steve – a retired lawyer from Boston who lives in gratitude for all that life has given him and who has a daily practice of doing acts of kindness. Wonderful Aprylle – a gracious and luminous young woman from England open to the unknown, skilled in meeting people and making things happen. Quirky Daniel – the young and very smart Mexican boy, searching for his identity with great humor and heart. Earthy Rosa – the quintessential Mexican mama lively, round, generous and full of joy. Wandering Minstrel Mark – the artist from the “cities of the world” rich in experience and stories, searching for balance and release. Visceral Lucia – the amazing powerhouse young woman from Bologna who speaks truth with such insight, humour and passion and Spacious Tim – the Tango dancing psychologist from Vancouver filled with compassion for the fragile human psyche and the journey.
I am grateful to all of these people who have graced my life with their beauty, their fragility, their courage on a quest for a better, more true life. We are all so different brought together by our desire to experience more than spoon-fed illusions, corporate lies or denial of truth. We hunger to feel, taste, hear, smell, touch life. Vibrate, express, exchange and love. I feel so alive.
I invite all of us to step out of our comfort zone and leap into the unknown with courage and love for ourselves, shake up what has become staid and stodgy and bite into life with vigour and passion. I am and so can you. Breathe, ground yourself and allow your heart to lead the way.
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